If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
