Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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