If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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