Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
