happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
