Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
