He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
