it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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