I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
