blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
