...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
