I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
