Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
