His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
