Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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