i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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