Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
