WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
