I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
