she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The power of my boobs compel you
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
