i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
