Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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