my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
