uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
