farters have to be the big spoon...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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