i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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