Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
