Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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