bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
