According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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