wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
