Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
