Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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