I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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