That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
