I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
