I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
