Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
