If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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