I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
