I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
