Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
