Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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