I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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