the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
