my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
