She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
