I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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