you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
