Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
