whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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