Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
